Last night I had an unexpected menopausal sex talk with my friend Maggie.
I don’t often talk sex, and on those rare occasions when I do, it’s surface stuff – not very deep, and not very penetrating.
I have a friend or two who like to chat openly and who seem happy to disclose the lot. Sometimes I wish I were a bit more like that, as I think it’s good to be able to talk.
Mags had recently moved to Spain with her family and it was our first call since she had left. We have been friends for years, so it was amusing to me that she had waited until she was all those miles away to talk sex. Although that might have been the point.
The bottom line was, she was having a very painful time of it. Or rather, NOT having it, as it hurt.
“Broken glass sex”, she said.
“Ouch”, I said.
And she wanted to talk.
I was all ears.
As my own issues were not of the broken glass variety, it was hard to identify. Nonetheless, I listened. I empathised. I felt her pain.
It was not the first time I had heard of this; my friend Lindy had mentioned it too. I told Mags that she was not alone, as it was important for her to know.
According to Lindy, it was called vaginal dryness and it hurt like hell.
Vagina.
I still want to giggle at that word and often wonder if I’ll ever grow up.
Mags has a detailed personality and likes to know her facts. She explained that there were two official names: atrophic vaginitis and vaginal atrophy, neither of which made me giggle. They were far too medical for that.
She said it was due to her vaginal tissues becoming thinner and easily irritated, caused by declining oestrogen during the menopause. I found it comforting to learn that I wasn’t the only one being irritated these days.
Ironically, Mags had read that regular sex or vaginal stimulation ‘with or without a partner’ was supposed to be the answer. However, I wondered how that could be, given that it was too painful to have sex in the first place … ‘with or without a partner’.
Then it occurred to me that a touch of coconut oil up there might do the trick. After all, it seemed good for everything else.
Or failing that, sweet almond oil.
Mags and I had a successful conversation about sex, one that would take our friendship to a new level. It got me thinking about how good it would be for my other relationships to be on that level. Not all, but some.
I had been heading off to bed when a message popped on my phone. It was from Mags. It said, ‘thank you’ – for being there, for listening and for allowing her to share.
How kind of her.
These issues are far from easy to cope with and I was pleased to have been of help.
It is clear how important it is for women to support each other, particularly at this time of life.
To be brave and to share.
To listen and to care.
I then messaged her back and hopped off to bed.
J x
(Shared from my old diaries)
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